From Day One
by SwirlySlidez
Summary: Logan goes missing and when he comes back it's up to the boys and Guitar Dude to set things right. What happened to him out there? Will he ever be the same Logan they know and love? Semi-slash? Rated M as all my stories, for safety.


Kendall, James and Carlos were worried sick. Logan had decided to walk home from Rocque Records the day before, saying he wanted to grab a Jamba Juice and check out a bookstore he'd heard about. He hadn't shown up that night, or the next morning. And when they went through an entire rehearsal without Logan, the three hockey heads began really freaking out. It was bad enough Gustavo was yelling at them to find the genius before he did (otherwise Gustavo might just kill Logan if he found him first). And Kelly wasn't helping with her motherly hovering with those wide, terrified eyes.

The boys had nearly sprinted out of the building that day, rushing along the route Logan would have taken to get to Jamba Juice and asking about him in every bookstore along the route. No one remembered having seen him the day before. Not even the employees at Jamba. Logan had never made it to either of his announced destinations.

Weary and frazzled, the three boys trudged back into apartment 2J hours after rehearsal ended, a full 26 hours into Logan being missing. Mrs. Knight had dinner ready for them, fish sticks on a Wednesday. Her expression was pulled into one of extreme worry and sadness.

When Katie suggested one of the boys try calling Logan's cell phone, the group perked up for a total of three minutes. That's how long it took to argue who would make the call, to dial the number (Kendall had Logan's number memorized), and to completely deflate when Logan's phone started ringing... From his and Kendall's shared bedroom.

The air in the apartment grew thick with trepidation as the hours wore on. None of the boys actually ate. Not even Carlos, the human vacuum. They sat around the table, staring toward the door, as though waiting for news, or for Logan to walk through the door as if nothing had happened. When their usual bedtime came around, none of the boys moved or spoke. Mrs. Knight cleared their plates and moved to the couch, watching the door just as hopefully as the boys.

The 36 hour mark passed, every occupant of 2J having not once moved from their vigil. Suddenly, a phone rang. Kendall shifted, lifting his phone and staring at the screen. A text message from Guitar Dude.

"Found him, dudes. My apartment."

Kendall was on his feet in an instant, rushing to where his jacket lay from earlier that day. He beamed at his friends, eyes wild with exhaustion and relief. Not a word was spoken. Not a word was needed. Carlos and James joined him, the three boys rushing out the door and heading to the fourth floor.

The door to 4I was wide open, the beaded curtain that graced the inside of the doorway pulled back and hooked against the wall, indicating that no invitation was necessary. The boys walked right into the cool green living room, gazing around until their eyes fell on the pillows in the corner, where a couch would be in any normal person's living room. Lying amongst the pillows, eyes shut tight and arms curled around Guitar Dude's waist, was Logan.

He was in one piece at least. As the boys came closer, slowing their approach to a quiet tiptoe in fear of waking their friend, Guitar Dude lifted his gaze to the three friends. The look on his face was enough to break Kendall, who'd been trying so hard for the past day and a half to keep calm for Carlos and James. A soft sob escaped his lips and he moved forward to kneel in front of Guitar Dude and Logan.

"Where?"

Guitar Dude shook his head and looked down to Logan, placing a hand gently on the smaller boy's back. "Club downtown I go to. He was just sitting at the bar, staring off at nothin'. Jake said he'd found him outside a few hours ago, lookin' lost, and invited him in to get warm."

Carlos let out a gasp, looking to James. "What... What happened to him?"

"He won't say, bro," Guitar Dude sighed. He looked up briefly, catching Carlos' gaze and shrugging weakly. "He won't talk at all."

"He could have been wandering around for hours. Alone." Kendall wiped at his face and set his hand against Logan's shoulder. "Anything could have happened."

"We won't know til he's ready to talk about it," Guitar Dude said. "Could be days. Weeks even. He was pretty glassy when I found him at the club. Jake said he wouldn't talk to anyone, wouldn't drink anything, eat anything."

"Logan wouldn't have gone into that place if he'd been okay," Kendall said, shaking his head sadly. "He must have been really busted or something. Is he hurt?"

Guitar Dude shook his head. "Couple scrapes and bumps. Nothin' big. I think he got mugged or something, but it's hard to tell. He was really dirty, like he'd been tossed in a dumpster or some shit."

"Whoever did this to him," James growled, letting his sentence end on a threatening silence. His clenched jaw and fists were enough to speak on his behalf. Carlos nodded his agreement, biting the inside of his cheek. He and James could never stand the idea of Logan being hurt by anything. Flashes of schoolyard bullies from Minnesota flitted across their minds and they stifled their anger at this new attacker.

"We have to just wait," Kendall said softly, his fingers pulling through Logan's hair. "He'll tell us, when he's ready."

Logan went missing Tuesday afternoon. The text from Guitar Dude came early Thursday morning, somewhere around two or three. Logan was returned to his friends, in one piece, but changed. It was Sunday morning and he had yet to speak a single word, much to Kendall, Carlos and James' dismay, and much to Gustavo's chagrin.

For the third morning in a row, Kendall woke early to the sounds of Logan shuffling about their shared room. The night before, just like Thursday night and Friday night, the smaller boy had curled up against Kendall's side, refusing to sleep alone and with no explanation as to why he would do so. And just like the mornings before this one, Logan was up and moving about the room with no real purpose far earlier than the rest of the world would consider normal.

Kendall sat up slowly, letting out a shuddering sigh and praying this wouldn't become a normal thing for them. It was already feeling too routine. He shifted his position and set his feet on the floor, hands grasping the edge of the bed tightly as he watched Logan amble about the room.

That glassy eyed expression hadn't left the young genius' face since Guitar Dude had found him, and Kendall was seriously beginning to miss that half-smirk that Logan was so well known for. He was missing so much more than that, too. Like Logan's voice. Or the way Logan's eyes crinkled in the corners when he laughed and smiled. Or... Logan's laugh, in general.

"When did you wake up?" Kendall asked, not expecting an answer. He'd asked the same questions the previous mornings, only to receive an electric silence and cautious stares.

"You going to eat breakfast today?" he asked, standing and moving to his dresser to pull out his clothes for the day. He cast one glance back at Logan and assessed the other boy. He was still wearing his clothes from the day before. Kendall could convince him to change clothes each morning, but something started clicking away in that brain of Logan's at night time and he refused to change into PJs before hitting the sack.

"Mom said she was going to make chocolate chip pancakes," Kendall reminded his friend, pulling out a pair of pants and a shirt for himself, then a shirt for Logan. He crossed to the closet, where Logan's pants were all hung neatly with Logan's precise obsessive compulsive manner. He browsed the pants a moment, finding a gray pair of cargo pants he remembered liking on the smaller teen. He pried them from their hanger and turned to meet his friend.

"Your favorite." As if Logan needed reminding of his favorite breakfast food. When they were kids, the whole damn neighborhood knew when Logan Mitchell got his chocolate chip pancakes for breakfasts. It became a weekly meal at the Knight house, because Logan was always over there Saturday mornings, and Mrs. Knight made the best, according to the growing boy.

He held out the pants and shirt he'd picked for Logan, waiting patiently for the other to approach. Logan watched him a moment, stepping forward and running his hand along the fabric of the shirt. He looked up from the clothes and gazed at Kendall a long minute. Finally, he tugged the shirt and pants to his chest and moved to Kendall's bed again, laying the clothes across the sheets.

Kendall let out a sigh and pulled off his pyjama shirt, turning away to give Logan some space. Usually, Logan would have moved to the adjoining bathroom to change, but lately he refused to leave Kendall's sight. When he'd woken up on Guitar Dude's floor Thursday morning, clinging to the guitarist's waist, his eyes had landed on Kendall first, not letting go the hold on the blond. He'd peeled himself away from Guitar Dude and latched around Kendall, hugging him close and pressing his face into his friend's neck. From that point til now, he didn't do anything without making sure Kendall was within his sight, at the very least.

Kendall finished changing, turning as he buttoned his jeans to see Logan slip the shirt over his head and tug the hem down. It was one of Kendall's shirts, a long sleeved grey and red thermal. The sleeves were too long and the shirt fell below Logan's hips. He looked tiny in the thing, but his shoulders seemed to loosen up and half the tension that had wracked his frame for the past few days was slowly leaking off him.

"Ready?" Kendall asked, knowing he wouldn't get an answer. He couldn't not say it, still. He needed to hear something, even if it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

Logan blinked at Kendall, bringing a hand up to rub at his cheek. The sleeve of his shirt engulfed his hand even in this motion, and Kendall wondered briefly if Logan was holding onto them. He'd been known to do that when he was scared or lonely, pulling on the sleeves of his shirts and jackets to cover his hands, for lack of something better to cling to. Hell, Kendall had done it quite a few times as a younger boy.

"Let's go," Kendall murmured. He moved forward and draped an arm over Logan's shoulders. Logan tensed a second, then shivered and nodded softly, gently dropping his shoulders again as he leaned into Kendall's side while they walked out of the room.

Carlos, James, Katie and Mrs. Knight were already up, each of them used to Logan's new habit of rising before the sun. They each showed signs of the weariness that threatened to take over, but still they sat around the table, waiting for Kendall and Logan over a pile of warm chocolate chip pancakes. Kendall led Logan to his seat and pushed in his chair for him before settling down next to his friend and serving up Logan's plate and his own. The rest of the family took after Kendall's example and piled their own plates.

Breakfast was quiet. It had been quiet for the past few days. No one knew what to say to spark a conversation anymore, everyone aching to ask that one hovering question. "What happened?"

They knew Logan would answer when he was ready, but no one dared ask before that happened.

Logan watched Kendall a while, his eyes following Kendall's fork as it went from the plate, piled high with pancake, then made its way to Kendall's mouth. A soft sigh escaped the genius' lips and he looked to his own food. Carlos, James and Katie leaned forward, watching and waiting.

Kendall kept eating, but he watched Logan out of the corner of his eyes. Logan hadn't eaten anything since he'd been found, and the first few minutes of each meal were the most painful, waiting to see if maybe this would be the meal. Too much time passed and Kendall was about to give up when, shocking them all, Logan carefully cut a bite for himself and brought it to his mouth. Once he'd finished the bite, a collective sigh filled the room, everyone relieved to see him finally eating.

Logan made a small noise between a sob and a laugh, but his face showed no expression. He took another bite, eyes shutting as he savored the food. Kendall felt his heart clench in his chest, a lump forming in his throat. He hadn't realized how worried he'd been.

As if a switch had been flipped, everyone in the room was able to eat, digging into their breakfasts with more enthusiasm than usual. Carlos and James exchanged happy smiles while Katie gave a knowing grin to her brother across the table. Logan was taking his time, but he'd come around.

It was Tuesday morning. Logan still woke before the sun, pacing his and Kendall's room along the same path every morning. Kendall woke up early the morning before and had watched Logan pace, noting that he traveled from Kendall's bed to the window, peered out the window for a while, then paced to the bathroom door. He never went in, opting instead to turn on his heel and move for the closet, then to his own bed. Logan would sit then, staring toward the door of the room. A few minutes would pass, then Logan would rise, move to Kendall's bedside, hesitate, and take the entire trip over again.

After another hushed breakfast, the boys shuffled off to rehearsal at Rocque Records, even Logan. Gustavo insisted the boy still show up, even though he didn't sing or dance with the others anymore. Kelly insisted that Logan would get the feel for it again and start singing when he was ready. Gustavo was beginning to lose faith in that statement, and so were Kendall and the others.

He started them off in the dance studio, Mr. X taking charge quickly. The excitable choreographer refused to let Logan's resistance bother him. He pushed the other three harder, adding in comments here and there like, "that's one dance move Logan needs help with," or, "here's where Logan would back flip."

Logan remained silent, watching the dancing going on around him. He stood perfectly still at the back of the room while the others moved through one number three times. On the fourth run through, when James moved to his usual spot to perform his back flip, Logan pushed himself away from the wall and moved to where his mark would be on the stage. He glanced to James, who blinked owlishly, but nodded. The two moved in sync and performed their back flips together, both sticking the landing perfectly (the first time it had happened since that one amazing time during their first concert tour; ever since then, one or the other would stumble just slightly or land off center, not that it mattered to the cheering fans).

Kendall and Carlos looked at one another, then broke into cheers and applause. Mr. X even clapped, reaching a hand to his face to discreetly wipe away a tear (he would deny having been worried about Logan to his grave, but the boy had quickly become his favorite to teach, as Logan was always so attentive and willing to accept criticism in its harshest form).

Gustavo and Kelly came into the room, startled by the sudden outburst. Kelly looked from Kendall to Carlos, then to James and Logan. James was grinning ear to ear, staring across at Logan. Logan had his head bowed, staring at his feet, a soft pink tinge caressing his cheeks. But, if she looked even closer, Kelly could see the barest twitch of Logan's face, his right cheek pulling up slightly to indicate that that half-smirk was creeping out again. She looked to Gustavo and grinned. Gustavo let out a heavy sigh and threw his arms in the air, storming out of the room.

None of the boys spoke as they followed their producer to the recording booth, Kendall slinging an arm around Logan's shoulders and squeezing him close, his smile the biggest of everyone's in the room.

When Logan began dancing again, the tension in the group started to fade, but the smart boy still refused to open his mouth for anything but food or water. He wouldn't speak still. He wouldn't sing. Gustavo had been happy for the progress at first, but now, a full week after Logan's back flip, he was getting discouraged again.

Instead of forcing the boys into the recording booth today, he'd dropped onto the couch in the studio, staring across at the television where the news played silently before him. The boys and Kelly aligned themselves around the room, Kelly at Gustavo's side and James and Carlos sharing the rest of the space on the couch. Kendall and Logan stood against the far wall. Kendall's eyes were locked on his and Logan's hands, watching as Logan reached toward him, gently pressing the back of his hand to Kendall's, then swung back and pressed his palm flat against his leg. This happened a few times before a soft gasp caught Kendall's attention and Logan's hand stilled against his leg.

Kendall looked up, his gaze seeking out Logan's until he noticed where the other teen was staring. The television. Kendall turned to watch, blinking in confusion. On the screen, a news reporter seemed to be speaking somberly in front of a picture of a young girl, no older than them.

"That's her," Logan murmured, his voice raw from disuse.

Five heads turned and five sets of eyes locked on Logan. He didn't seem to notice their stares, his eyes locked on the television screen.

"What's that, Loge?" Kendall asked softly, afraid if he spoke too loud, he'd startle his friend into silence again.

"That's her," Logan repeated, this time raising an arm to point weakly at the screen. "They found her."

Kendall turned back to the television. Gustavo lifted the remote and turned the volume up.

"-was found earlier this week in a dumpster near the Chinese Theatre. The young woman, now identified as one Lisa Thomas, 17, was reported missing little over a week ago. She was attacked and dragged-"

"They finally found her," Logan said softly, interrupting the report and causing Gustavo to turn the volume down again.

"You know her, Logie?" Carlos asked.

Logan shook his head. "Not really." He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans, glancing around the room a short moment. "We met once."

"When?" James asked.

"The day she died."

The room fell silent but for the soft murmur of the television, volume too low to make out the words as the reporter moved on to another story. Everyone watched Logan, waiting expectantly for him to explain himself, but no more words came.

After a few moments, Logan pushed himself off the wall and walked out of the room, not once looking back to see if Kendall would follow him, another first in so long. Kendall pushed himself away from the wall and followed still, even though Logan seemed to want to be alone. Carlos and James watched worriedly, settling back at Kendall's gesture for them to stay put.

Kendall followed Logan down the hall and toward the exit of the building, never more than a few feet behind his friend. Neither spoke as Logan led the way down the street. After a few blocks, Kendall sped up to reach Logan's side, then dropped his pace to match his friend's again, eyes never leaving Logan's face.

Logan held no expression, eyes searching faintly for something Kendall didn't understand. He stopped several times, glancing around and moving on again when satisfied. Finally, the two stood before an alley offshoot. Logan glanced down the alley and nodded once, shivering and stepping closer to Kendall. He pointed down the alley.

"They attacked her there," he said, his voice a rough whisper. He sniffed suddenly and turned away from the alley. "I got lost, and they attacked her there." He shook his head and pressed his forehead against Kendall's shoulder.

Kendall pulled Logan to him in a hug. "What... are you saying, Logan?" He felt like he already knew the answer, and the thought brought a chill through his body.

Logan didn't answer though. He wrapped his arms around Kendall's waist and stood still, tears soaking through Kendall's shirt.

Several minutes passed, and several odd stares from passers by, before Logan let out a sigh and leaned back, letting his arms fall from about his friend. He took a deep breath and looked ahead again, pushing himself forward. Kendall moved to keep up with him, curious where Logan would take them next.

Five minutes later, he was disappointed to find them before the Palmwoods, Logan making his way inside without having uttered another word.

Logan didn't speak again for the next three days. His only exception now was to sing for Gustavo. It had calmed the producer down, and even James and Carlos to a degree, but he still woke up far too early, pacing his and Kendall's room while Kendall watched from the bed, confused and more curious than ever.

Kendall couldn't take the silence too much longer and he sat up in bed, reaching out to grab Logan's arm as he hesitated by the bed again. "Come here," he grumped, tugging Logan back onto the bed and pulling until the smaller teen rested against his chest, Kendall's legs splayed out on either side of him.

Logan let his head fall back against Kendall's shoulder, eyes focused on the ceiling. It was quiet a few minutes.

"They haven't found the killers yet," he said, his words faint.

Kendall bit his lip and looked toward the window. "Is- Is that what you've been doing?" he asked suddenly. "Checking the window every morning? To make sure they're not after you?"

Logan nodded. "I saw them kill her. They saw me see them."

Kendall wrapped his arms around Logan's middle, holding him tightly against himself.

"I ran," Logan stumbled over his words slightly, gulping and shaking his head to clear it, "but they chased me. Two of them did at least. The third one stayed behind with the girl. I could hear her scream as I ran. I wanted to call someone, but my phone was here."

Kendall nodded, his forehead brushing against Logan's back.

"They chased me for four blocks and down three alleys. I tripped a few times. Hit a wall. Scraped up my elbow. But they never caught me. I ducked into a store that was still open. I stayed in there for... I don't even know how long I stayed there. I was too scared to leave, even though I knew they hadn't seen where I'd gone."

Logan shuddered and shifted, pressing his cheek against Kendall's chest as he slid down against his friend's frame. "The guy running the store eventually kicked me out. Said he didn't want a punk teenager breaking his stuff." Logan shrugged and sighed. "I don't remember where I was, or where I ended up. I know I kept walking, because I ended up at some bar or something. The guy behind the counter kept trying to get me to speak, to tell him who I was, what happened to me. But I couldn't."

"Well, you did witness a girl being killed," Kendall offered sadly. "That kind of thing can be traumatizing, they say."

Logan let out a snort of a laugh, the sound hollow and without humor. He turned his head and pressed his face against Kendall's chest, his breath warm through the shirt. "All I know is I was so out of it, I don't even remember getting to Guitar Dude's apartment."

Kendall grimaced, tightening his grip again. "I'm so sorry, Logie," he murmured. "I wish there was something I could do." A soft sigh from Logan told him there wasn't. He bit at his lip and held fast to his friend. They stayed that way for the next two hours, finally emerging from their room, for the first time since the incident, after sunrise.

The next morning, Kendall woke up before Logan. He stayed perfectly still, one arm draped over Logan's torso, watching the other sleep. Logan didn't wake up until just a few minutes before eight.

"Why d'you keep clinging to me?" Kendall asked, a curious gaze fixed on Logan. The two were in the dance studio, waiting for Carlos and James to get back from the bathroom and Kendall had been wondering for a long time now. Even though Logan was getting better, he still crawled into bed with Kendall and he still clung to the taller teen throughout the day, resting his head on Kendall's shoulder, brushing their hands together, leaning into him as though requesting Kendall put his arm around his shoulders.

Not that Kendall minded in the least. He loved being close to Logan, had loved it for years now. Logan was always warm and steady, an excellent hugger, champion cuddler. Kendall had grown to love being able to touch his best friend, to share closer moments than even Carlos and James were allowed in the public eye. Hell, he was sure he could kiss Logan in front of all their fans and the crowd would just egg them on.

The thought had crossed his mind a few times on stage.

Logan looked back at Kendall, terror lighting his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said quickly, taking an instinctive step away from Kendall, his head bowing as he looked to his feet.

Kendall could have kicked himself.

"No, don't- Loge, damn it. I didn't mean it like that. It's just, I was curious... why you picked me." He took a deep breath and scuffed his toe on the mat at his feet. "I read somewhere that people that go through traumas sometimes choose a person to cling to, a life line. I... I wanted to know why you picked me."

Logan let out a soft chuckle, the fear leaving his eyes as he looked across at Kendall once more. His eyebrows arched and the right side of his mouth quirked up as if to say, "Are you kidding me?" with a single look.

Kendall looked to his feet now.

"It's always been you, Ken," Logan said softly. "Since the beginning. Since the day we met. You've been this strong presence in my life, from Day One. I know I can turn to you when I'm hurt, when I'm scared. It wasn't a choice I made arbitrarily that day. Kendall, that choice was made the minute we locked eyes across the playground."

Kendall blinked and looked up. Logan smiled at him.

"Who do I always turn to?" he asked then, tilting his head. "Who did I call when my mom got sick and Dad had to take her to the hospital?"

Kendall looked aside. "Me."

"And whose front door did I nearly break down when she died?"

Kendall took a deep breath. "Mine."

"Who got me to get up the courage to go to the funeral?"

"I did."

"And who, after all that, stayed by side even though I shoved my face into my books and started to slip off the map? Who pulled me back to a steady plane of existence where I could balance schoolwork and my friends and all my mental blocks?"

Kendall didn't answer that time, simply nodding as he remembered the brief time when Logan worked himself nearly sick over those damned schoolbooks. It had always been Logan's mom that pressed him to work hard, and her death had caused Logan to work even harder at school, as though he had to prove to her that he was every bit the genius she wanted him to be. He was. And more.

"I maybe rely on you too much," Logan said finally. Kendall looked up, shocked. "Don't argue it," Logan continued, "because I do. I should probably learn to stand on my own two feet one of these days, but... I really don't want to right now. I like where I'm standing. I like knowing that you'll be right there, to one side or the other, ready to catch me. I like knowing that, even though those guys are still out there, I can sleep safe at night knowing you're there. Having you around is a comfort, and I love that. I love you. And I don't want to change it right now."

Kendall smiled slowly, casting a glance to the floor as a soft blush crept across his cheeks. "I'm not going anywhere, Logan," he managed, winking up at his friend.

Logan grinned then, the first time in weeks. Kendall felt like a weight had been lifted.

"They caught the guys who did it!" Carlos came barreling into Kendall and Logan's room late one Thursday night, about a month after Logan's disappearance and reappearance. He was grinning ear to ear, hand clutching the television remote. "They caught 'em!"

Logan stood up from his seat at the desk where he'd been hunched over homework for the past hour. He slipped by Carlos into the hall and headed for the main room.

"The guys who did...?" Kendall sat up from where he'd been dozing on the bed (it had become his and Logan's shared bed, Logan's old bed not even having been touched since that first night Logan crawled beneath Kendall's covers). "The guys who killed that girl?"

Carlos nodded. "They killed another girl," he said, his smile dropping, "but they were sloppy and the cops figured it out. They caught the guys, and the guys even confessed!" His grin reappeared, wider than before.

Kendall jumped up and followed Logan's path out to the main room, Carlos on his heels. Logan was standing at the edge of the couch, staring at the television screen. Footage of the men behind the murder was on screen. Logan's entire body went stiff for a moment, then settled calmly as he let out a breath. "They got them," he said, turning into Kendall's side as the blond came up behind him.

Kendall wrapped his arm around Logan, settling his hand against his friend's hip instead of draping his arm over his shoulders like usual. "So it's over?" Kendall asked.

"There'll be a trial," Logan said, shrugging and nodding. "They'll be sentenced, of course. Those are the guys. I'd remember them anywhere. And they confessed to it, so there's no doubt of their guilt really. I hope it's over. I really do. I didn't like walking around town being scared I'd run into one of them."

"So... you'll be able to sleep easy at night now?" James asked from his seat on the couch.

Logan looked to Kendall, smirking, then looked back to James. "Much easier."

"I suppose I can go back to my own bed," Logan said two nights later as he and Kendall changed into their pyjamas. "I mean, it's not like anything can happen now, right?"

Kendall panicked, his head snapping up and his eyes falling on his friend. "If- If that's what you want," he said, barely concealing the disappointment in his voice.

Logan shrugged, looking to his bed, then to Kendall's. "I kind of don't want it," he admitted softly. "I like sleeping in the same bed as you. It's warmer."

Kendall smiled softly. "I like sleeping in the same bed as you," he said. "It's comfier."

Logan smiled back. "Well, I wouldn't want to deprive you of comfort."

"And I certainly wouldn't want to make you cold," Kendall offered.

They finished changing into their PJs before both sliding under the covers of Kendall's bed. Kendall shifted until he had Logan's back pressed against his chest, settled comfortably on his side with one arm draped over Logan. "Logan, can I ask you something?"

Logan hummed questioningly.

"A while back, you said that you love having me around as a comfort."

Logan made an affirmative noise, yawning softly.

"And then you said you love me."

Logan nodded.

"What did you mean by that?"

Logan chuckled. "I was waiting for that," he said quietly. "What did you think I meant?"

Kendall huffed in aggravation. "Well, if I had an idea, I might not be asking you."

"Or you might, to confirm whether your idea was right. But you... No, you have an idea, but you're embarrassed by it. You don't want to say what it is, on the offchance you'll be wrong. I think, in this instance, you wouldn't be wrong, but I'm no mind reader. I can only guess what you think I meant."

"So, what do I think you meant, smart ass?" Kendall shoved his nose against the back of Logan's neck.

"I think you think I meant love in the way a man might say to the woman he's dating, or possibly planning on marrying."

"We're all over the place," Kendall muttered. "First we're sleeping together, then we start dating and now marriage?"

Logan gave a snort of a laugh. "That kind of love that makes you want to be with someone all the time, to hold them, kiss them."

"You want to kiss me?" Kendall asked, interrupting again.

"Sometimes," Logan said. "A lot of the time. Most of it, really. I sometimes wonder what your lips might taste like. How you'd kiss. Whether it'd be soft and gentle or hard and possessive."

Kendall let out a breath. "You... think about that?"

"When I'm not thinking about dance moves, song lyrics or math."

"So not that much."

Logan shook his head. "You'd be surprised the ratio of 'Kendall Thoughts' to other thoughts in my brain. You're on my mind most of the day. Even in the middle of singing, dancing or schoolwork, my mind drifts to you. It's hard to focus sometimes."

Kendall blinked and pressed his nose against Logan's neck again, this time keeping his face there a bit longer.

"One thing I found myself thinking, that I can remember thinking, when I was running from those guys... I was thinking about you, and begging any god that would hear me that I wouldn't die before I got a chance to tell you how I feel about you." Logan sighed and put his hand over Kendall's over his waist. "I told you, it wasn't chance, my clinging to you. It was a choice made the day we met. I fell for you from the beginning. I just didn't realize what kind of love it was until recently. And I don't expect immediate returns on this love. Hell, I don't expect you to ever return the feelings. But I can't keep going without telling you. Because dying without letting you know... That would have been cruel."

"To which one of us?" Kendall asked softly.

"Both of us," Logan replied. He squeezed Kendall's hand. "Go to sleep, okay? Don't worry about it. It's out in the open. Do with it what you want. But right now-"

"Logan?"

Logan let out a shaky sigh. "Yeah?"

"What if I had an answer for you already?"

"Then I guess it's time to move back to the other bed," Logan said with a weak shrug.

"You really aren't a mind reader," Kendall said, laughing and tightening his arm around Logan before the smaller teen could actually get up. "Because that's not my answer."

Logan was quiet. He ran his hand over Kendall's a few times, finally settling his hand where his fingers dropped in the spaces between Kendall's fingers. Kendall marvelled at how well they fit.

"I was happy to have you so close," Kendall said after a moment of silence. "I've always loved being able to be close to you. It's like something about you always draws me in. And I'd never understood it until recently. About a couple months ago, actually, I started putting things together. I liked being near you. I liked that I could put an arm around you, hug you, hold you close, and no one gave a damn. I liked that I could fall asleep on the couch with you during a movie marathon and you would fit just perfectly against my side. I liked being able to grab your hand whenever I felt like it. I liked, and I still like, how comfortable I can be around you."

He took a breath and let it out slowly, thinking carefully. "I never felt so comfortable with Jo. I stuck with her because I thought that was what couples did. The fights we had that led to such poorly played out make up moments. It was painful to be a part of-"

"Painful to watch," Logan supplied.

Kendall chuckled. "But I'd come back from a date and there you'd be. And that was comfortable. That was right. And... I'll be honest, Logan. I don't know if what I feel for you is love. I mean, I know that I love you. I've always loved you. But I don't know if it's that love, you know?"

Logan nodded.

"But I'm willing to find out. Because I do love you. And I do want to be around you. And I don't want you to go back to the other bed."

Logan let out a small laugh and slowly twisted in Kendall's grasp until he was lying face to face with Kendall. "I won't go back to the other bed," he said, nodding determinedly. "You have my word on that. As long as you want me here, I'll be here. You've always done the same for me."

Kendall grinned. "And I-" He stopped himself, blushing. "I wouldn't mind, one of these days, letting you figure out what it feels like to kiss me." He blushed further. "I'm... kind of curious now what it'd be like to kiss you, so it'd be a fair trade."

Logan laughed again. "Do you know how third grade that sounded?" he asked playfully.

Kendall pouted at him, which only caused Logan to laugh harder. Kendall huffed and curled his fingers against Logan's hip, pulling him closer and pressing forward to place his lips over Logan's. Logan's laughter died on their lips as he pressed back into the kiss.

It was short and sweet. Everything that a first kiss should be, or so Kendall had been told. And Logan beamed at him when they parted, his eyes crinkling in the corners as he smiled.


End file.
